Why do we end up feeling locked into our relationships? Why do we feel compelled to stay in relationships that are not working? Why do we imagine having a relationship without consequences or confinement? It is because we do not want to be responsible for our relationship outcomes! Instead, we are caught is excitement, intensity and anxiety attractions that make us indifferent to long term relationship consequences. We seek to live for today believing we can fix tomorrow. Co-Dependence establishes a network of needs where we are not sure what or who is guiding our path. The answer is our conditioning, instinctive impulses, and fear. We become the victims of our own lack of boundaries and power.
How do we get pulled into Co-Dependent patterns? Co-Dependence is a crutch we use to falsely enhance our Safety, Security and Self-Importance. Co-Dependence is a set of compromises that distort our ability to be present with others fully. As such, it is a façade that keeps us from being creative, open and playful. The result of Co-Dependence is that over time it undermines our Autonomy, minimizes Intimacy and prevents conscious relationships. This discussion helps us to see how Co-Dependence works. We will do processes to identify how much Co-Dependence we may have in our primary relationships. Co-Dependence is the result of having inappropriate priorities. If we deny ourselves and seek others to be our solutions, we are defined by this Co-Dependence. If we honor ourselves and love being who we are, our capacity to be loved increases and we can accept whatever gifts our partner offers without becoming lost in the process.
Identifying With Co-Dependence
When we meet someone, we may feel seen (accepted) or not seen (rejected), which leads us to either hold back, or we try to engage the person to change their mind about us. We may also begin to compare and evaluate how their weaknesses relate to our Strengths. This allows us to say something that can add value to them. Ultimately, we want them to need us more than we need them, so we have more choices (than them). Unfortunately, when we get caught up in a Co-Dependent pattern, our partner's perception of us can change if we say the wrong thing at the wrong time. The game becomes how we can constantly get our partner to see our value so they do not look to someone else to take care of them. This is Co-Dependent thinking at its best.
There are many negative indicators of Co-Dependence. Different individuals bring out different aspects of Co-Dependence, depending on their perceived strengths and weaknesses. This makes it harder to identify the overarching issues of Co-Dependence. What we seek in a partner, when we are not sure who we are, is someone who will make us feel okay about ourselves. When we have different strengths and weaknesses, it enhances Co-Dependence. The more we focus on our Personality programming, and seek partners who pay attention to our Fears and Desires, the less chance we have for a fulfilling relationship. This is the result of not taking responsibility for the choices we make in our relationships. Instead, we maximize the potential that we could fall in love, so we do not have to choose someone to love.
We heal Co-Dependence by first recognizing the elements that make us susceptible to it. Every individual has certain Fears, Desires, and needs that are harder to manifest (for themselves), which opens us up to see how others could take care of us. We will also evaluate our weaknesses and why we seek individuals with complementary strengths to make us feel more secure. This allows us to understand how our attempts to be seen actually end up denying us. This occurs because unconsciously, many of our partner choices are afraid of our increasing success. Finally, we will discuss the unconscious decision-making processes that define how we end up with the people we do.
This class is self-revealing and process-driven. It requires admitting our Fears and uncomfortable Desires. The more we can tell our Truth about our experiences of Safety, Security and Self Importance, the easier it will be for us to take ownership of our Creative Nature and Autonomy. What is valuable is to regain integrity by understanding the Context of the motivation to express ourselves. We do this by seeing our own Beauty, Truth and Goodness so we no longer carry the burdens of parental guilt, shame and blame. In effect, we re-envision how we can be a conscious contributor. In this framework, there is no need for compromise.
Healing Co-Dependence is about reducing reactions so our natural creativity can connect. This requires less fixed structures (or beliefs) in the relationship so we can explore beyond our current boundaries. We need to release our partners from our limiting beliefs so the relationship can evolve and transform. Letting go of judgments about our sensations, feelings, emotions and thoughts also facilitates this. It is comparisons between ourselves and others about these experiential modalities that are the basis of making our worse case assessments. Co-Dependence leads to protective and directive behaviors that irritate and undermine any mutual understanding and compassion. When mutual contempt shows up, the relationship becomes poisonous. We can avoid this outcome if we are willing to learn about who our partners truly are and commit ourselves to serve their highest aspirations.
Class structure
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Class 1 ~ How Deep Is Our Co-Dependence? ~ Password: NoCoDepend2017
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Class 1 ~ How Deep Is Our Co-Dependence? ~ Audio
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Class 1 ~ How Deep Is Our Co-Dependence? ~ PDF
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Class 2 ~ Mechanics of Co-Dependence ~ Password: NoCoDepend2017
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Class 2 ~ Mechanics of Co-Dependence ~ Audio
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Class 2 ~ Mechanics of Co-Dependence ~ PDF
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Class 3 ~ Building Safety, Security & Self-Importance ~ Password: NoCoDepend2017
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Class 3 ~ Building Safety, Security & Self-Importance ~ Audio
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Class 3 ~ Building Safety, Security & Self-Importance ~ PDF
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Class 4 ~ Autonomy, Intimacy & Co-Creativity ~ Password: NoCoDepend2017
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Class 4 ~ Autonomy, Intimacy & Co-Creativity ~ Audio
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Class 4 ~ Autonomy, Intimacy & Co-Creativity ~ PDF
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Class 5 ~ Passionate Indifference ~ Password: NoCoDepend2017
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Class 5 ~ Passionate Indifference ~ Audio
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Class 5 ~ Passionate Indifference ~ PDF
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About this course
- $165.00
- 14+ hours video lessons
- Includes audio & PDFs
- Bonus eBook 'Co-Dependence Blues'
Instructor
Founder, Higher Alignment Larry Byram
My name is Larry Byram, the founder of Higher Alignment. Over the last 40 years we have worked with over 30,000 couples and a larger number of singles to assist you in building conscious co-creative relationships. We invite you to explore and embody your unique creative design in your relationships and life contribution.